Town Hall is WHITES ONLY!

I have listened to you, the American people. I have listened as you've told me what you want from my Town Hall recaps, and you have told me: "MORE RACISM". So allow me to re-introduce you to...Burt Prelutsky.

You may remember Burt from his days writing scripts for shows like M*A*S*H or Branded. Or you may remember him from his liberal apostasy, after which he became Town Hall's Hollywood correspondent and the journalistic equivalent of a cranky old man yelling at the damn kids to get off his lawn. But in yesterday's column, he finally woke up to the reality that the site that hosts him is a haven for politically incorrect rebels who would never dream of condemning him no matter what crazy bullshit spills out of his gob, so he decided to write a whole column about how he doesn't like the coloreds. Let's watch!

The whole question of race is a dicey one. Pity the poor fool who wades into those troubled waters. Well, here goes.

Oh, hooray! An elderly, wealth white man from Hollywood is finally going to tell us truth about black people. Have your blood pressure medicine handy!

If a black person tells the truth -- namely, that in 2007, 99% of black problems are self-inflicted -- he is, like Bill Cosby and Thomas Sowell, dismissed as an Uncle Tom.

Well, there you have it, folks: after 400 years of slavery, kidnapping, torture and murder, a disastrous war, 100 more years of institutional racism and discrimination, and a mere 40 years of actually being able to vote, blacks -- who no doubt are completely free nowadays of the problems caused by racism and discrimination, and whose massive inequality of resources, education, opportunity and income is not a factor because BOOTSTRAPS! -- have managed to take charge of 99% of their problems. Now that's showing initiative!

If a white person tells the truth -- namely, that with a 70% illegitimacy rate, no amount of government hand-outs will do anything but provide the cancer victim with a very expensive band-aid -- he’s condemned as a racist.

Actually, white people are condemned as racists if they come up with a bogus, grossly inflated, context-free statistic and present it as "the truth".

When blacks say they wish to have a dialogue with whites, it only means that they want a forum at which to bash whites, while their victims provide a Greek chorus of mea culpas, provide the coffee and Danish, and drop a little something in the collection plate on their way out.

Just like the Jews, with their fake-ass "Holycost". Whatever, Hebes! We're through feeling guilty for your weak shit!

There is such a thing as white prejudice. No doubt about it. But it has nothing to do with race, and everything to do with character, culture and values.

Okay, everyone, I beg of you: read that again. What Burt is saying here is that when white people are prejudiced, it's not because they're racists, but because other races have insufficient character, inferior culture and bad values. That's what white prejudice is. Why, it seems like something you should almost be proud of!

What blacks refuse to acknowledge is that whites are intolerant of crime and the creeps who commit it, be they black thugs or white trash.

Whereas black people, they just love gangbangers and drug dealers! Ask any mother who's terrified to let her kids out the door: she has nothing but positive things to say about the Gangsta Disciples, and if you say a word against them, she'll throw a hissy fit.

The real shame should be that millions of black kids are fatherless

No white kids are fatherless!

that their taste in music is for anything that’s crude, lewd and loud

That horrible crazy rap music!

that their role models are too often basketball players who make more babies than baskets

Not like our fine upstanding white quarterbacks!

whose language skills are embarrassingly abysmal

Niggers are dumb!

and that, although most of the street punks are peddling drugs for roughly the minimum wage, they regard it as a worthier, more manly pursuit than working at a 7/11 or, God forbid, going to church, school or a library.

Uh, going to church doesn't pay anything, Burt.

Most whites in this country are not racist. In their heart, they agree with black comedian Chris Rock when he says, “I love black people, but I hate niggers,” even if they themselves are not allowed to make such an honest declaration.

God damn you blacks! Why won't you allow us to be honest, and say that we hate niggers?

Actually, what most whites are is cowardly. When we see black kids with the top of their baggy pants drooping somewhere south of their butts

White people never sport crazy fashions!

annoying people with their ear-splitting boom boxes

Okay, honestly: when was the last time you actually saw someone with a boom box? What is this, 1985?

saying “they be” when they mean “they are,”

Of course, Burt, who does not know what dialect is, is wrong: blacks mean "they be" when they say "they be". It's not like they're saying "banana" when they mean "apple"; they're just communicating -- in a way that is perfectly clear to the people who comprise their audience, which, after all, is the goal of communication -- using different language than is preferred by Burt Prelutsky. But, on the other hand, he makes a good point: niggers are dumb!

and we pretend that theirs is a different, but equally fine culture as our own

There you have it: we KNOW that black culture is inferior to white culture (which I guess is what he means by "our own", though I'm hesitant to be included in any culture Burt Prelutsky thinks of as his), but cowards that we are, we go on letting these barely-human apes think that it's not.

we’re no better than those enablers who give money to drug addicts or booze to alcoholics.

Burt here claims that by "letting" blacks have their own art forms, dress styles, and modes of speech, we are enabling their destruction. He's learned his lesson well from his hero Ronald Reagan, who said that "letting" Indians live on reservations and keep their own language and laws was "indulging" them.

When we finally stop patronizing loafers, louts and criminals, stop encouraging people who were born 120 years after the Emancipation Proclamation, 20 years after the passage of the Civil Rights Act

Wow, twenty whole years after the forced legal abolition of institutional racism! It's a wonder they haven't put a man on the moon yet!

to pretend that their sloth and ignorance are the fault of whites, only then will blacks come one step closer to having that colorblind society they claim they want.

Uh, Burt? It's conservatives who say they want a colorblind society. Blacks don't want people to stop seeing them as black; they just want to not be discriminated against because they're black. It's not quite the same thing, you fucking racist old cracker.