Tough Talk from Tintype Terrier

The rumors that I have been slumming around at Sadly, No! are, happily, true. But that doesn't mean I'll leave you hanging here at CCS, oh no! The monkey gas station is up and running, thanks, and that means there's plenty of stupid to share with you and more than enough dumb to go around.

Let's take, for example, the case of the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. Named for some variety of "white dog", this is an animal who revels in its own rabidity; but its most distinctive characteristic, which it shares with so many other right-winged birds, is its flabby, impotent passion for phony tough talk.

"Filed under: Verbal Bitch Slaps", says the liberal-chewing Chihuahua, congratulating himself because he knows no one else will do it. The internet is not usually thought of as a verbal medium, but why pick nits off a dog's fur when it's only going to bite you for your troubles?

The post is meant to be a rebuke to the idea that gun control will prevent gun violence, but it degenerates after the very first sentence into basement-borne RPG*-enthusiast machospeak:

Here’s something I’d like to tell you, even though it’ll probably make you wet your rubber sheets: If I were insane enough to want to kill you, I wouldn’t need a gun


(even though I know for a fact, from personal experience, that I could get one no matter how many idiotic “gun control laws” you choose to enact)

He learned magic firearms acquisition skills in the same Marine Corps correspondence course where he learned to kill people using only his right thumb and a high-speed internet router.

I’m perfectly capable of murdering you with anything down to and including my own hands. It’s not all that hard, really, I can assure you of that.

Spoken like an actual murderer! Or a anonymous shitbag who reads too many Mack Bolan paperbacks.

The thing is, without gun control I don’t know if you have a gun to stop me from doing so. What that means is that everything I’ve ever learned about killing people can be canceled out by an 83-year-old grandma with a pistol. All she has to do is to point and pull the trigger, and everything I know about killing her, which is quite a lot, will be useless because I’ll be dead, and it doesn’t take much training and even less physical strength for her to do that.

Attitudes like this (it requires no training or strength to shoot a gun!) totally have nothing to do with the vast numbers of "accidental" gun deaths we have in America, but I do like how this sick puppy managed to work in yet another reference to how much he knows about killing people. He can't be bothered to follow through his own premises -- why would a psychotic murderer who can kill people in hundreds of ways be steered away from a victim just on the off chance that they might have a gun? -- but my guess is that he's actually 15 years old, so I'm probably holding him to far too high a standard.

Then again, that's, like 83 in dog years...



Hello, legions of fans! Did you miss me? I know I missed myself!

Seattle was pantloads of fun, but I'm afraid four days of exposure to hardcore music geekery left me somewhat out of the loop, current-events-wise. I did take a few moments to discover that Crazy Pammy at Atlas Shrugs deletes comments she can't think of a good response to, but beyond that, I have only word-of-mouth about what America's crazy-thinkers have been up to the last week or so. My understanding is that a lot of people said a lot of stupid things about a lot of dead people, resulting in a lot of self-serving, hypocritical nonsense.

But hey, that's in the PAST, man! VA Tech is OVER and except for lumping Koreans in with Iranians, Arabs and any Negroes not wearing a t-shirt as "People We Should Be Concerned About Having to Sit Next To", nothing has changed, or needs to change. Let's focus on the NOW. And NOW, we're...uh...still thinking up crazy crap to say about the VA Tech massacre! Yes, over at Big Boy Jammies, everyone's favorite raving paranoid post-Soviet graphic designer, Oleg Atabatshit (who previously wrote that picking John as your favorite Beatle over Paul was the reason for the decline of Western civilization), posts that the blame for the worst shooting spree in American history can be laid squarely at the feet of our old enemies: progressive liberalism, Che Guevara, and, uh, oh, let's say Michael Moore.

Look, Oleg, I was a punk rocker: I know what it's like to hate hippies. But come on, man, we've got bigger fish to fry these days. And implying that any attempt to address poverty will inevitably lead to widespread homicidal sprees makes you sound like an even dumber version of Ayn Rand. I realize you guys are having a grand old time trying to think up a reason to blame this mindless act on everything you've ever hated (I mean, come on, fellas -- we're a week out and no Bill Clinton connection yet?), but isn't there a war on or something?


Hi! Ate us!

The King of Clowns is going on a temporary hiatus. Those of you who live in the Seattle area might wish to attend the EMP Pop Conference this year, where I will be delivering a talk on two of my longtime obsessions, the Wu-Tang Clan and comic books. Details can be found here. I hope to resume regular coverage next week, and I'll update while there if at all possible.

Meanwhile, I leave you with a classic from a classic by the man from Fuddles, in which he:

- admonishes yet another incompetent sales clerk
- rattles on about his water installantion
- places another meaningless doohickey on his website
- complains about the poor selection at the crap chain stores at which he shops
- displays shock-horror at the fact that his daughter manifests possible awareness of a terror attack, despite the fact that he has spent the last six years writing fearful nonsense about how we must always be afraid of a city-obliterating Mahometan terror attack

Enjoy, and we'll see you soon!



(Thanks for tuning in to Mrs. Mortimer Week! We'll return to our regular programming formate on Monday.)

"Do you see the little narrow gallery outside the minaret? There is a man standing there. He is calling people to say their prayers. He calls so loud that all the people below will hear, and the sounds he utters are like sweet music. But would it not make you sad to hear them when you remembered what he was telling people to do? To pray to the God of Mahomet. Not to the God and Father of the Lord Jesus Christ, but to a FALSE god: to NO god. When the Christians began to worship images, the fierce Turks came and turned the churches into mosques. This was the punishment God sent the Christians for breaking His law. How dreadful it would be if our churches should ever be turned into mosques! May God never send us this heavy punishment!"

Peter Robinson: There should be MORE movies that portray communists as relentlessly, irredeemably evil

"The ladies are very industruous, and wherever they go, they take their knitting. The number of stockings they make would surprise you. How much better to knit than to smoke! Can they do nothing but knit? Yes, they can play on the piano, and the harp, and sing very sweetly. But they are not fond of reading useful books. When they read, it is novels about people who never lived. It would be better to read nothing than such books."

Cal Thomas: I see no problem with Town Hall giving free PR to terrorist leaders

"The Irish say they are Christians, yet most of them will not read the Bible. Is not that strange? The religion they teach is caled the Roman Catholic religion. It is a kind of Christian religion, but it is a very bad kind."


In your fat beds with your multiple sexual lovers

We're taking a momentary break from Mrs. Mortimer Week to transcribe the latest video blog by Pamela "Atlas Shrugs" Oshry Geller Feldstein Bialystock Bolton, Long Island's craziest drunk according to a recent survey by Franzia Wine-in-a-Box Corporation. We are, as ever, the only blog that provides this gut-wrenching service. This week, instead of hogging the bathroom at a party, Pammy instead dismays everyone at a Dunkin Donuts by publicly yammering about her daughter's cervix. Read on, and learn all about the sinister liberal conspiracy to turn our children into sluts by keeping them from getting cancer.

Pammy gone wild

Coffee time*! [Laughs] Okay, so it's post-lunch, we've been shopping, got the girls some stuff for the bat mitzvah, so why am I chattin' on you now? Interesting subject came up over lunch, which was, the mandatory vaccination against cervical cancer. Which I'm totally against, by the way – as a parent, I make those choices. Secondly, why this vaccine? Why now? Because girls tend to be, have multiple sexual lovers? And they need it because their, your increased multiple sexual lovers increases your chances of cervical cancer? This is…this is more of a left-tarded indoctrination. (A), we should be teaching that a girl doesn't give it away. Doesn't give it away! Unless it's love! (B), it's, it…someone validating that multiple sexual lovers is a good thing.

[TITLE CARD: "Cervical Cancer Is not even an INFECTIOUS disease."**]

You're validating that, are you not? You're validating sexual lovers, uh, many sexual lovers is a good thing, and that…not…yeah, that it's an okay thing. What…well, we'll give you a vaccine to stop you from getting cancer. Why this disease? Why now? And another thing I want to ask you. This…in my generation, the sexually liberated generation [snaps fingers and does go-go dance] where you fucked everybody, no AIDS, no nothing. Not me, the proverbial me. Because I didn't, trust me. Um, my question is, so all these women at school, everybody in town, what's the incidence of cervical cancer at now? One in one hundred thousand, two hundred thousand, what?*** Is this in reason that we have to mandate every young girl to get a vaccine against cervical cancer? I'm totally against this. I don't know why this disease, why now. Part of the left-wing indoctrination. It's wrong, and that's why I'm coming to you live from the Big D's, Dunkin Donuts.

[TITLE CARD: "later that day"]

So now you have a few of the folks say 'But the Republicans went to Syria! The Republicans were there!' First of all, what Republicans? Who were they? What nameless faces were they?**** They were not the most powerful woman in the world. 'I am the most powerful woman in the world!' Remember that? 'I am the most powerful woman in the world.' And if I go to Syria – who's gonna give a rat's ass if I go to Syria? Let's be honest, okay? Um…look how they copy our, 'but the Republicans did it! Waaaah!' They can't even stand up f…can't even stand up for what they do. Can't even stand up for their own positions. So now you have Nancy Peloopsi in Syria, you have Sestak last night at the CAIR fundraiser, raising money for CAIR. Raising money for a front for terror. This is the Democratic Party. Can I ask you something? Why do we…I…'We have to engage, we have to engage with the terrorists!' Did we engage with the Nazis? And how come they're not engaging with George Bush? How come they're not…

[TITLE CARD: "Would the dhimmicrats 'engage' with the Nazis too?"]

What is George Bush guilty of, trying to keep us free? What is George Bush guilty of, trying to institute the tr…the Bush Doctrine? Trying to free a part of the world that has been living in totalitarian regimes for centuries? What is he guilty of, trying to keep the American people safe? Which, by the way, I have to say, since his election…since 9/11, he's done an outstanding job. Outstanding, my friends. That's why you're all so complacent, and you're feeling so good in your fat beds, in your feather beds with your ducks and, uh, p…p….p…mattresses! You don't even know you're at war. They're plotting and champing and chopping with their bombs and their small bombs and big bombs and polonium-210 and they're smuggling it in, and the guy died, the guy died from a $15 million dose.

[TITLE CARD: "Alexander Litvinenko"]

That wasn't an assassination attempt by Putin. Why spend fifteen to thirty million dollars on one tiny granule of polonium-210 when a bullet costs you a nickel? They were smuggling that stuff! [sings] Good morning, America, how are you?' Anyway, I'm down south with my kids, it's Spring Break, whoo whoo! Let's all dance!

[TITLE CARD: "yeah bababy"]

And I'm having a blast. I can't watch the news. You know I went from, when I started this blog I went from…it's the unreported news, I have to get the truth to the people, they have to see what's really going on, the, they…the mainstream media has abdicated its role as public servant to the, disseminating the information. I've gone from that to feeling like, frankly, I'm giving you the blow-by-blow. I'm giving you the play-by-play on the road to Armageddon. Jackie, you ready for lunch?

[Off-screen voice: "Yep."

Okay! We're going for American lunch! No problems! Don't worry, be happy! Don't worry, be happy! Nancy Pelosi's in Syria, it's all good! See ya.

"I will destroy you!"


[TITLE CARD: "How the Left promotes Teenage Promiscuity – Pamela – AtlasShrugs.com"]

Okay, the reason I was so upset about that vaccine, uh, for cervical cancer is because first of all, they want to give it to, uh, middle-school students. Nine-year-olds, ten-year-olds, eleven-year-olds. I'm in Florida and they're talking about making it law now. [Points to her daughter] Could you see this one with a cervical cancer vaccine*****? I'm…I mean, seriously, okay? And I say, why this…I say, why this disease, why now? Why this disease? It's not infectious. It's not typhoid, right******? Oh, she's putting on a happy face now. Okay, so earlier, I went to the store, and this guy comes up to me, and he's all like, do I know you? Ha ha ha ha. I said, New, New York? He goes, no. I say, you get any news on the net? He says, Atlas Shrugs, right? Right? Yeah, baby! Oh, oh, uhn uh uh. Okay. So anyway, on that note, um, oh! Oh! Uh, who, who, who's with me on arresting Pelosi? On, on the Logan Act? Who's with me?

[Pam's daughters, off-screen: "Me! Me! Me!"]

Okay, I got my posse with me. I got my posse, and we're gonna arrest Pelosi, and, and that other one! What was that, with the nostrils? Who's Nostril Boy?

[TITLE CARD: I don't know what the hell this thing is.]

We need some names. Nostril Boy…Waxman. Henry Waxman. Yes. And who are you? Meeting with the Muslim Brotherhood? The Muslim Brotherhood is their…oh, rrrrrrrrrrr, my ride is here, I gotta go. The Muslim Brotherhood is…okay, stop it, I'm coming. The Muslim Brotherhood are….[next sentence rendered blissfully inaudible by passing motorcycles] It's all very distressing, and, uh, okay, take your, uh, you know, I think it's too dark now. I love you.

[TITLE CARD: "WHAT WAS SAN FRAN NAN DOING IN SYRIA?" Judging from the incomprehensible image, she was being anally violated by a young Prince Charles.]

*: Actually, "cwawfee towime", but you get the picture.

**: I don't suppose it's even necessary at this point to mention that Crazy Pammy doesn't know what she's talking about.

***: One in 30,000, actually, with over four thousand fatalities a year in the United States. Much higher than your risk of death by Islamofascism!

****: Among others, Arlen Specter (R-PA), Darrell Issa (R-CA), Frank Wolf (R-VA), Bob Aderholt (R-AL), , and David Hobson (R-OH), who was actually with Pelosi on her trip. Jeez, Pam, when you sober up, ask someone what Google is.

*****: Could you see this one with a fatal case of cervical cancer because her mother was a crazy drunk who refused to let her get vaccinated to avoid left-wing indoctrination?

******: From 1996-1999, over 15,000 American women died of cervical cancer. During the same period, one person died of typhoid. Typhoid, by the way, was almost entirely eliminated in the West due to a government program to vaccinate children against it.

Dennis Prager: I weep for the lost greatness of Blighty

"What country do you love best? Your own country. I know you do. What is the character of the English? They are not very pleasant in company, because they do not like strangers, nor taking much trouble. They like best being at home, and this is right. They are too fond of money, as well as of good eating and drinking. They are often in low spirits, and are apt to grumble, and to wish they were richer than they are, and to speak against the rulers of the land. Yet they might be the happiest people in the world, for there is no country in which there are so many Bibles."

Powerline: Widespread Racial Discrimination Has Nothing to Do with Race

"There is much to make the traveller sad as he wanders about the Holy Land. That land was once fruitful, but now it is barren. It is not surprising that no one plants and sows in the fields, because the Turks would take away the harvest. Once it was a peaceful land, but now there are so many enemies that every man carries a gun to defend himself. Once it was a holy land, but now Mahomet is honored, and not the God of Israel. When shall it again be fruitful, and peaceful, and holy? When the Jews shall repent of their sins and turn to the Lord."

Big Boy Jammies: Reds in Tehran Paperwork Shocker

"By now you must have found out the character of the Russians. The rich people are unjust, and often do not pay their debts; they are fond of feasts and company, but they care little for their servants and poor neighbors. The poor people are civil, but sly, and dishonest, idle, and fond of drinking. The Russians are generally not to be trusted."


Michael Barone: They hate us because of our freedoms

"And what sort of people are the Arabs? Wild and fierce people. Travellers are afraid of passing through Arabia, lest the Arabs should rob and murder them; and no one has ever been able to conquer the Arabs. The Arabs are very proud, and will not bear the least affront. The Arabs are so unforgiving and revengeful that they will seek to kill a man year after year."

Note: I'll have a transcript of Crazy Pammy's latest vlog-spew up tonight or tomorrow.

Prof. Poopypants: Appalling, if true

"In Babylon no sound is heard but the howling of wild beasts; in Bagdad men may be heard screaming and hallooing from morning to night. The drivers of the camels and mules shout as they press through the narrow, crooked streets, and even the ladies riding on white donkeys, and attended by black slaves, scream and holla."

VDH: We Have Always Been At War With Eurasia

This week, Clown Central Station will feature links to our favorite right-wing blowhardery behind tags featuring quotes from the late Mrs. Favell Lee Mortimer. Mrs. Mortimer, whose delightful combination of high-handed piety, condescension and ignorant cultural slander educated several generations of imperialists, has proved a lasting influence on the neoconservative warblogger of today. Please enjoy Mrs. Mortimer Week here at CCS.

"The Persians are very deceitful. An old Persian was heard to say, 'We all tell lies whenever we can.' The Persians are not even ashamed when their falsehoods are found out. When they sell they ask too much; when they make promises they break them. In short, it is impossible to trust a Persian."


So, I have written before about how the warbloggers seem to think of Muslims less as evil or misguided humans (like, say, the Nazis) than they do as infectious subhuman monsters (like, say, zombies), and appear to maintain the belief that any positive reference to them, any toleration of their existence within our society, any physical contact with them will cause you to become overwhelmed by the Dhimmi Contagion, and soon you will be eating brains, throwing your daughter on a pyre, and disallowing the consumption of pork in taxicabs.

We already know that if you are kidnapped by Islamic terrorists, and upon your release, you do not immediately vilify them as demons in human shape who raped you repeatedly and tried to eat your foot, the Keyboard Kommandoes will tear into you like the last slice of pizza, accusing you of being a lunatic, a terror sympathizer, and a dirty, dirty slut.

We also already know that if you are a U.S. official and you visit an "enemy" nation while wearing a hijab, the Keyboard Kommandoes will go predictably apeshit and accuse you of being a tool of global jihadiism. (If anyone points out what a non-issue this is, they will quickly change the subject and say it was really about something else, even if that something else proves to be equally full of shit.

We further know that if British sailors follow orders like any good member of the military is trained to do, the Keyboard Kommandoes will relinquish their long-vaunted support of the troops and start calling these brave military men cowards and traitors who should be imprisoned or at the very least horsewhipped and hung.

But have we really sunk so far that there are actually creeping couch-stains who will attack sailors and marines -- professional fighting men who sacrifice all for their country so that these bloviating shitbags can sit at home and surf porn -- for the Orwellian thoughtcrime of smiling upon their release from capture, thus displaying their lack of grim hatred of the Mahometan devil and their determination to boot his face whenever the opportunity arises? Are there in this great nation of ours people so intellectually and emotionaly degraded that they actually believe that allowing an expression of happiness to cross your face at the news you will soon be reunited with your loved ones is a serious sign of treachery and villainy, when you should be frowning at your inability to throw your life away for no reason resisting a country you aren't even at war with?

Yes. Yes, there are.


Make them fight, mommy, make them fight!

John Derbyshire doesn't hang around on the Corner as much as the rest of the gang, because he knew Bruce Lee and also Kathryn Jean Lopez is totally old and has droopy knockers. However, every once in a while, he will show up to register his outrage at some particularly egregious offense to his sensibilities -- a woman over age 14 will show her breasts, for example, or someone will suggest that rapists are not driven into frenzies of sexual madness by belly shirts and sweatpants with "SASSY" written on the butt.

Today, he learned that some Marines from his beloved Blighty are being returned to Mother England -- not to be horsewhipped and tossed in the gaol until the sun sets on the British Empire, but to the joy and relief of their countrymen! Rather than celebrating the release of his fellow men -- acheived at the cost of no bloodshed -- the Derb -- who apparently didn't get the memo that if you ever criticize our men and women in uniform, you are a vile subhuman traitor -- is flipping out, calling the Marines "wimps" who displayed "cowardice" and should be court-martialed and given dishonorable discharges after a lengthy prison stay, if not actually executed: "I wouldn't shed a tear if some worse fate befell them."

The Derb, you see, believes that all soldiers should behave like G.I. Joe dolls -- that their first and only option confronted with any situation should be to unleash the fucking fury, and whip out their assault rifles, running up and down the picnic table going "Ackackackackack! Pew! Pew! KABOOOOOM" until all the other action figures are laying face down. It does not seem to have occurred to him that, when detained by Iranian forces, they might have actually been ordered by their commanding officers not to open fire on the representatives of a nation with which they were not at war. It does not seem to have crossed his mind that they would have looked to their superiors for instructions on how to behave, as every military man is trained to do. It does not appear to be in his universe of knowledge that the training manuals for soldiers in every country on earth do not read, on every page, for every situation, "KILL KILL KILL". It appears to have escaped his notice entirely that the British sailors were quite sensibly told by their commanders something along the lines of "Say, lads, rather than touching off an international incident for no good reason, what say we hang back and see what the top men have to say?", just as any soldiers, sailors, airmen, or marines in any other country might do in the same situation. Lacking this somewhat obvious knowledge -- that the armed forces of a nation are trained military operatives who exist as part of an organized command structure and are not, in fact, Viking berserkers -- he goes on to make a lot of statements that are, to put it mildly, asinine:

It is the job of a Royal Marine to fight, and if necessary suffer and die, for his country. They know that when they go in. It's what they are told!

Indeed it is, and that argument would be applicable if they were captured, say, during the course of a naval assault upon an enemy nation in which their commanders ordered them not to surrender. Unfortunately, none of the words in that clause even remotely applied here, so the whole statement is totally irrelevent. Next?

I nurse a quiet hope that if put to the test, I would stand up as well as any Marine. Whether or not I would, however, is irrelevant. Whether or not I could stand up well to torture, I expect Marines to.

The Derb can't resist a chance to imply that he, a doughy 62-year-old math nerd, is very possibly tougher than a Royal Marine. Again unfortunately for his argument, there is no evidence that the sailors were tortured, so this argument is also irrelevant and merely serves as an example of this impotent stooge playing big-dick.

The girl sailor had that headscarf on within hours. From what I've heard of torture, even weaker cases can hold out for a few days.

What the Derb has heard of torture could fill a thimble and still have enough space for what he knows of everything else. Everyone from professional interrogators to 24 says that everyone breaks under torture, and even "mild" tortures like waterboarding cause CIA spooks and U.S. Marines to beg for mercy after an average of 20 seconds. But again, since no torture took place, this is just an irrelevancy introduced by Derbyshire to paint the troops he and his Keyboard Kommandoes always claim to admire and honor as chickenshit -- and dig the barely disguised misogyny, as the chides the "girl sailor" for failing to withstand the imaginary torture for even as long as "weaker cases"!

In any case, a trained soldier will have been instructed that these Iranian fanatics are without any scruples.

Really? Is that in the standard-issue handbooks for British sailors? Is it right after the part about how to tie a sheepshank? "SECTION PROPER DISPOSAL OF DRAINED OIL CANNISTERS; SECTION HOW IRANIAN FANATICS ARE WITHOUT ANY SCRUPLES."

It should be assumed that everything the Iranians say is a lie. If they say: "Do this, and we won't harm your mates," and you do it, they will harm your mates anyway. Of course, this kind of truth is much harder to get across to young people who have been brainwashed from elementary school to believe that their own culture is corrupt, evil, and false, while the cultures of Third World barbarians are morally superior...

The fact that the sailors were certainly acting on -- or at least waiting for -- orders from their superiors, again, does not seem to have occurred to the Derb. So he constructs an imaginary world where the Iranians are like the sneering, buck-toothed "NO MORE SERGEANT!" Chinaman of a Jack Webb propaganda film, and the Brits are sniveling, weak-willed Neville Chamberlain types, softened up by multiculturalism and university postmodernism. In Derbworld, the soldiers are made of plastic, the rules of engagement are written on clouds of gossamer, and all claims of supporting the troops are inscribed on a big stinking British turd.

Once again, reality surpasses my ability to make things up

Sometimes, our beloved dingbats of the right will try to convince us all to hide under our desks from the evil of Islam based on the raging anti-Semitism to be found in Arab lands. Why, say the darkie-dashers, in some of these countries, the blood libel is leveled against Jews just as if it weren't total nonsense!

Luckily, that sort of nonsense never takes place here in the west, where we are entirely too rational and free of prejudice to fall for such nonsense.

(Thanks, as I say all too often around here, to Sadly, No!.)


He's been cheated, been mistreated. When will Glenn be loved?

Glenn Beck opines over the lonely life of a conservative white Christian male in America. Isolated, disenfranchised, oppressed, with no one to speak for him and no place to call his own, Glenn must somehow scrape by with only his millions of dollars, his nationally syndicated newspaper column, his popular television show, and his legions of fans.

How well he remembers -- but with such bitter bile in his throat! -- that brief and shining moment a couple of months ago, where people like him controlled big business, the culture industry, sports, entertainment, organized religion, law enforcement, the professions, academia, and all three of the branches of government. But then came the Great Disaster of '06, and now, conservative white Christian males just control two branches of government, plus all that other stuff. When will the suffering end? When will justice be done for his people? When, oh Lord, when?

Has the world gone topsy-turvy?

Bill Murchison, in the latest of his approximately sixty billion articles about how commie hippie liberals always blame America for everything, boggles at the illogic of the Left:

Pretty much everything gets a least a test run these days, including the claim that the United States, which fought a war to free the slaves, is the most racist nation on earth.

Uh...would those be the slaves of FRANCE we fought a war to free, Bill? Or the slaves of GERMANY? Were those slaves, vast in number, and flowing constantly since before the writing of the Declaration of Independence, suffering under the yoke of cruel RUSSIAN masters? I dropped out of college, so I may have missed the details. Please enlighten us, do.

Blits and blobs

Victor Davis Hanson: I am no longer capable of writing anything that does not make reference to 300.

Jules Crittendon: If only we were brave enough to ignore Congress, we could be in an awesome war with Iran by now.

Dave Hinz: Sure, President Bush's policies may result in hundreds of thousands of dead people, millions in poverty, and millions more without health care or decent educations, but he is really a compassionate man, because he helped an old guy to his chair in front of cameras.

Jennifer Roback Morse: All that remains of feminism is a willingness to murder babies and falsely accuse men of rape.

Charles Johnson: Reporting the news is anti-American treachery.

Baron Bodissey: Lest you think we're only afraid of being wiped out by the vile Mahometans, we're also terrified of genocidal Mexicans.

Glenn Reynolds: My brother's rock combo recorded a chili commercial!


They hate us for our freedom to go walkies

Despite copious and publicly available evidence that the dangerous ingredient in the current tainted pet food recall comes from China, Crazy Pammy has decided that it's all the fault of Muslims. Surprise, surprise.

By what bizarre stretch of the imagination can she make this utterly baseless claim? Well, you see, the source of some of the tainted pet food was...Mississauga, Ontario! And last year, there were a bunch of alleged terror suspects also captured in...Mississagua, Ontario! DUNH DUNH DUNH

There you have it, folks. That's her logic. Because, in this major suburb of Toronto with 800,000 people, a few Muslims have been suspected of planning terror attacks, it is now "TERROR CENTRAL", and so, since one company that made itis also based there, the tainted pet food, even though the tainted ingredient came from China, MUST BE PART OF A VILE MAHOMETAN PLOT TO MURDER OUR PETS!

I honestly don't know what to think about this. If Crazy Pammy actually believes this, she may have displaced David Horowitz, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly as the stupidest person in America. And if she doesn't, how dumb does she think WE are?

Discover the nut's work

There are conservative pundits, and then there are conservative pundits. There are the oblivious, and then there are the truly delusional. There are schmucks, and then there are giant flaming uncleansed assholes. There is the rest of the world…and there is David Horowitz.

If I were paid for this blog based on the total number of completely asinine things said in the articles I link, this piece alone would buy me a luxurious home in the Hollywood Hills, or possibly my own private island. Unfortunately, I don't get paid for this blog at all, so reading it only makes me stupider than I was before I started. While attacking one of our favorite "obscure blogs", the Dumbest Man in America does it like only he can. Only he possesses the level of pure, base-metal-to-gold shamelessness that distinguishes him from the rest of the half-wits of the punditocracy. It's really something to behold, on the level of watching Captain Queeg ranting and raving about his missing strawberries.

In the course of establishing that leftists portray their political opponents as wicked demons in human shape, Horowitz accuses leftists of being demons in human shape, "religious fanatics who believe they are going to change the world". While conservatives are "far too generous" and always willing to correct their mistakes, liberals "look on their political opponents as evil" and "think nothing of smearing and defaming them" in order to "eliminate them from any argument".

He goes on to say that George Soros' Campus Progress organization has a section "devoted to defamations of conservative speakers", and solemnly notes that "there is nothing comparable to this garbage on the conservative side of the spectrum". It's at this point that I blacked out from the sheer blinkered hypocrisy of it all, and was unable to read the rest of the article, where he calls Sacco & Vanzetti "justly executed terrorists".

Let me know how that turned out, won't you?