4.10.2007

In your fat beds with your multiple sexual lovers

We're taking a momentary break from Mrs. Mortimer Week to transcribe the latest video blog by Pamela "Atlas Shrugs" Oshry Geller Feldstein Bialystock Bolton, Long Island's craziest drunk according to a recent survey by Franzia Wine-in-a-Box Corporation. We are, as ever, the only blog that provides this gut-wrenching service. This week, instead of hogging the bathroom at a party, Pammy instead dismays everyone at a Dunkin Donuts by publicly yammering about her daughter's cervix. Read on, and learn all about the sinister liberal conspiracy to turn our children into sluts by keeping them from getting cancer.



Pammy gone wild

[TITLE CARD: "COFFEE TIME"]
Coffee time*! [Laughs] Okay, so it's post-lunch, we've been shopping, got the girls some stuff for the bat mitzvah, so why am I chattin' on you now? Interesting subject came up over lunch, which was, the mandatory vaccination against cervical cancer. Which I'm totally against, by the way – as a parent, I make those choices. Secondly, why this vaccine? Why now? Because girls tend to be, have multiple sexual lovers? And they need it because their, your increased multiple sexual lovers increases your chances of cervical cancer? This is…this is more of a left-tarded indoctrination. (A), we should be teaching that a girl doesn't give it away. Doesn't give it away! Unless it's love! (B), it's, it…someone validating that multiple sexual lovers is a good thing.


[TITLE CARD: "Cervical Cancer Is not even an INFECTIOUS disease."**]

You're validating that, are you not? You're validating sexual lovers, uh, many sexual lovers is a good thing, and that…not…yeah, that it's an okay thing. What…well, we'll give you a vaccine to stop you from getting cancer. Why this disease? Why now? And another thing I want to ask you. This…in my generation, the sexually liberated generation [snaps fingers and does go-go dance] where you fucked everybody, no AIDS, no nothing. Not me, the proverbial me. Because I didn't, trust me. Um, my question is, so all these women at school, everybody in town, what's the incidence of cervical cancer at now? One in one hundred thousand, two hundred thousand, what?*** Is this in reason that we have to mandate every young girl to get a vaccine against cervical cancer? I'm totally against this. I don't know why this disease, why now. Part of the left-wing indoctrination. It's wrong, and that's why I'm coming to you live from the Big D's, Dunkin Donuts.


[TITLE CARD: "later that day"]

So now you have a few of the folks say 'But the Republicans went to Syria! The Republicans were there!' First of all, what Republicans? Who were they? What nameless faces were they?**** They were not the most powerful woman in the world. 'I am the most powerful woman in the world!' Remember that? 'I am the most powerful woman in the world.' And if I go to Syria – who's gonna give a rat's ass if I go to Syria? Let's be honest, okay? Um…look how they copy our, 'but the Republicans did it! Waaaah!' They can't even stand up f…can't even stand up for what they do. Can't even stand up for their own positions. So now you have Nancy Peloopsi in Syria, you have Sestak last night at the CAIR fundraiser, raising money for CAIR. Raising money for a front for terror. This is the Democratic Party. Can I ask you something? Why do we…I…'We have to engage, we have to engage with the terrorists!' Did we engage with the Nazis? And how come they're not engaging with George Bush? How come they're not…


[TITLE CARD: "Would the dhimmicrats 'engage' with the Nazis too?"]

What is George Bush guilty of, trying to keep us free? What is George Bush guilty of, trying to institute the tr…the Bush Doctrine? Trying to free a part of the world that has been living in totalitarian regimes for centuries? What is he guilty of, trying to keep the American people safe? Which, by the way, I have to say, since his election…since 9/11, he's done an outstanding job. Outstanding, my friends. That's why you're all so complacent, and you're feeling so good in your fat beds, in your feather beds with your ducks and, uh, p…p….p…mattresses! You don't even know you're at war. They're plotting and champing and chopping with their bombs and their small bombs and big bombs and polonium-210 and they're smuggling it in, and the guy died, the guy died from a $15 million dose.


[TITLE CARD: "Alexander Litvinenko"]

That wasn't an assassination attempt by Putin. Why spend fifteen to thirty million dollars on one tiny granule of polonium-210 when a bullet costs you a nickel? They were smuggling that stuff! [sings] Good morning, America, how are you?' Anyway, I'm down south with my kids, it's Spring Break, whoo whoo! Let's all dance!


[TITLE CARD: "yeah bababy"]

And I'm having a blast. I can't watch the news. You know I went from, when I started this blog I went from…it's the unreported news, I have to get the truth to the people, they have to see what's really going on, the, they…the mainstream media has abdicated its role as public servant to the, disseminating the information. I've gone from that to feeling like, frankly, I'm giving you the blow-by-blow. I'm giving you the play-by-play on the road to Armageddon. Jackie, you ready for lunch?


[Off-screen voice: "Yep."

Okay! We're going for American lunch! No problems! Don't worry, be happy! Don't worry, be happy! Nancy Pelosi's in Syria, it's all good! See ya.



"I will destroy you!"

BONUS SPECIAL EXTRA DRUNK PAMMY V-BLOG!

[TITLE CARD: "How the Left promotes Teenage Promiscuity – Pamela – AtlasShrugs.com"]

Okay, the reason I was so upset about that vaccine, uh, for cervical cancer is because first of all, they want to give it to, uh, middle-school students. Nine-year-olds, ten-year-olds, eleven-year-olds. I'm in Florida and they're talking about making it law now. [Points to her daughter] Could you see this one with a cervical cancer vaccine*****? I'm…I mean, seriously, okay? And I say, why this…I say, why this disease, why now? Why this disease? It's not infectious. It's not typhoid, right******? Oh, she's putting on a happy face now. Okay, so earlier, I went to the store, and this guy comes up to me, and he's all like, do I know you? Ha ha ha ha. I said, New, New York? He goes, no. I say, you get any news on the net? He says, Atlas Shrugs, right? Right? Yeah, baby! Oh, oh, uhn uh uh. Okay. So anyway, on that note, um, oh! Oh! Uh, who, who, who's with me on arresting Pelosi? On, on the Logan Act? Who's with me?


[Pam's daughters, off-screen: "Me! Me! Me!"]

Okay, I got my posse with me. I got my posse, and we're gonna arrest Pelosi, and, and that other one! What was that, with the nostrils? Who's Nostril Boy?


[TITLE CARD: I don't know what the hell this thing is.]

We need some names. Nostril Boy…Waxman. Henry Waxman. Yes. And who are you? Meeting with the Muslim Brotherhood? The Muslim Brotherhood is their…oh, rrrrrrrrrrr, my ride is here, I gotta go. The Muslim Brotherhood is…okay, stop it, I'm coming. The Muslim Brotherhood are….[next sentence rendered blissfully inaudible by passing motorcycles] It's all very distressing, and, uh, okay, take your, uh, you know, I think it's too dark now. I love you.


[TITLE CARD: "WHAT WAS SAN FRAN NAN DOING IN SYRIA?" Judging from the incomprehensible image, she was being anally violated by a young Prince Charles.]

*: Actually, "cwawfee towime", but you get the picture.

**: I don't suppose it's even necessary at this point to mention that Crazy Pammy doesn't know what she's talking about.

***: One in 30,000, actually, with over four thousand fatalities a year in the United States. Much higher than your risk of death by Islamofascism!

****: Among others, Arlen Specter (R-PA), Darrell Issa (R-CA), Frank Wolf (R-VA), Bob Aderholt (R-AL), , and David Hobson (R-OH), who was actually with Pelosi on her trip. Jeez, Pam, when you sober up, ask someone what Google is.

*****: Could you see this one with a fatal case of cervical cancer because her mother was a crazy drunk who refused to let her get vaccinated to avoid left-wing indoctrination?

******: From 1996-1999, over 15,000 American women died of cervical cancer. During the same period, one person died of typhoid. Typhoid, by the way, was almost entirely eliminated in the West due to a government program to vaccinate children against it.

12 comments:

tritium said...

AAAARGH

This blog is clearly done with iMovie. The Apple Corporation has a lot to answer for.

John J said...

Does Pammy seem like the abstinence-before-marriage type to you? Me neither.

Nigel said...

Sorry, I couldn't even get through the typescript this time. I think she's won. I give in. My brain cannot take any more stream-of-stupidness Pammy in any medium. And as for the actual vlog - shudder - I will ask Phyllis Diller to yell the value of pi to 15,000 place in my ear next time I want something like that.

Anonymous said...

Pam doesn't want her daughters vaccinated because she's got some batshit-crazy fear of nefarious ulterior motives attached to the needle?

Where have we seen this before?

Where?

Oh, in Nigeria.

The Muslim parts:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2070634.stm

Where crazies tried to stop polio vaccinations for the same reason.

What did Pammy think about that?

http://www.google.com/custom?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&oe=ISO-8859-1&client=pub-2936239574582847&cof=FORID%3A1%3BGL%3A1%3BLBGC%3A336699%3BLC%3A%230000ff%3BVLC%3A%23663399%3BGFNT%3A%230000ff%3BGIMP%3A%230000ff%3BDIV%3A%23336699%3B&domains=atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com&q=nigeria+polio&btnG=Search&sitesearch=atlasshrugs2000.typepad.com

Pere Ubu said...

At least us lefty bloggers get all potty-mouth on the Internets, where it belongs, rather than in public at Dunkin Donuts.

And "fat beds with ducks"? Wow.

Y'ever think maybe she's not drunk - she's just that way ALL THE TIME?

Kuda Bux said...

There is a case to be made against mandating the vaccine due to safety concerns and suspicion of a Big Pharma $ govt. giveaway, but the argument that it's unnecessary no daughter of Pam's will stray across a bad piece of peen in the future is much much more persuasive. MUCH MUCH.

I don't know why you people act like it's painful to watch Ms. Oshry. She's got beautiful hair and she's drunk and crazy. She's the Paula Abdul of B-list cranks.

Pim's Ghost said...

Tritium, you obviously are not familiar with iMovie. Otherwise you could spot it a mile away.

OK, wacky question. How can you guys be SO obsessed with one blogger, just one in particular, that you actually transcribe her videos? And link to sites (and comment at sites) that spend so much time discussing Pamela Geller and her blog? Or, more to the point, this sick obsession with her breasts?

Can ANYONE answer this for me, or should I write the poor woman and advise her to hire some bodyguards and get a few restraining orders?

MISTER LEONARD PIERCE said...

Actually, "Pim's Ghost", I am obssessed with many bloggers. That is the whole reason for this site's existence. Pam is just my favorite because she's so drunk and crazy. I transcribe her videos because many people find it difficult to sit through the entire thing.

I don't recally ever mentioning anything about her breasts, which are the least interesting things about her.

You may, of course, write her all you like, and advise her to hire bodyguards to protect her against me, but while you're at it, consider writing to John Bolton and advising him to do likewise to protect himself against Pam. She is clearly far more sexually obsessed with the walrus-mustached UN ambassador than I or any of my fellow bloggers are with her. In fact, I think that you, like Pam herself, are widely overestimating her charms.

Pim's Ghost said...

Mr. Pierce, that is indeed interesting that you are that interested in bloggers, I just have trouble imagining why. You do seem to focus on the anti-jihadi realm of the blogs though. Perhaps you should branch out to some of the other areas as well, though you seem to be hitting the right-wingers in other capacities. I am amazed to find another site devoted to the blogs of the right wing.

I'm interested in the dynamic between the anti-jihadi blogs and those who love to hate, chronicle and set up "watch sites" about them. It would seem that Pamela gets more than her fair share of negative coverage, though you seem to be slamming Malkin pretty good, and she is no friend of mine. Actually, many of your posts are quite amusing. I just can't fathom spending the time finding it all. I can't even manage to update my own blog. Ah well.

I see now that you did not partake of the "Pamela's Breasts" endless rants, though I found this link in a thread rather obsessing over the subject at "Sadly,No". After that thread and the late hour, it just seemed as if that was a prerequisite for discussion of her.

I'm sorry that you think she is "drunk and crazy". We don't always agree on political issues, but I have yet to see her or speak to her while "drunk" and/or "crazy". I'm just glad that she is rather unconcerned and thick skinned. I doubt if I could put up with these sites or posts such as on that "Sadly, No", which I saw last night for the first time.

As for her charms, I don't think I'm over-estimating anything, nor her, she's a friend and a riot to talk to. She's actually a very nice person, and like I said, I'm glad she has thick skin about these matters.

Good luck in your quest. It would drive me nuts to read this many blogs, myself. Aat least we're all having fun....LOL.

Pim's Ghost said...

One other thing, if you like including "Atlas Shrugs" in your blogger study, you should check out "The Hill Chronicles" with Layla. I think the woman is trying to morph herself into Pamela and her site is quite the rip-off. But she's REALLY trying. I shouldn't leave the link and increase her traffic, but I feel compelled.
http://thehillchronicles.com

ezrael said...

I find it kind of hilarious that the people who want us to engage in a holy war in the Middle East call themselves 'anti-jihadists'. This would be like me punching people in the groin while calling myself "Pro-Testicle'.

Pim's Ghost, the problem with your friend Pam is that she's evil. Now, like most evil people, she probably doesn't realize that she is, but the things she supports are monstrous and she refuses to sit down and examine them, instead going online with drunken videos supporting them. Much as I would call anyone who supported mandatory euthanasia for an ethnic group evil, I call your shrill, unthinking, blame spewing harridan of a friend evil. Sorry. Now, some folks (like our host) find her expression of her evil so ludicrous and over the top that it's amusing.

I don't, myself. I just keep thinking of all the limbless, the orphans, the comatose and dead because of her ideals and the support of millions who think just like her, and I feel sick.

Pim's Ghost said...

Ezrael--oh, honestly. Pamela is not "evil". Furthermore, she does research things rather heavily, which tends to make one seem rather reactionary. I know I seemed that way when I first blogged, after having no venue to share my opinions. This idea that you find people "evil" while not supposedly knowing that they're "evil" is laughable. Please.

How is responding to the Wahabi sect of Islam in any way "evil" or even crazy? They attacked our country, recruit in our prisons, take over formerly normal Mosques, etc. I don't know a single Muslim who likes Wahabism, but I do know a few who came here as refugees who are as frightened by them as I am, one who was recently attacked by a North African cabbie in NYC for being gay. Gay of all things! In New York! He came here from Iran, where he admits he would be hanged had his mother not gotten him out!

I don't support the Iraq war personally, but I think a military response to 9/11 was imperative. I think Bush got it all wrong, etc., etc., etc. I'm NOT Pamela. I just know that she is a good person expressing her earnestly felt opinions, and I don't find that wrong, especially when so many others on the web are doing it from angles I disagree with.

There are plenty of orphans, maimed and dead as well as starving and exiled peoples in the world that are not victims of any US engagements. We have ignored Southern Sudan for a good 30 years now, for all that people now talk about Darfur. I don't even HAVE an ethnic group, because I'm half-Ionian, and we are a diasporic people due to the genocide of the Turks. I don't even hate the Turks because of this, either. The younger generations who even protest the Armenians' claims of genocide know nothing, it was illegal to teach them what was done. I also cast blame on the Western nations which had many warships sitting in the Smyrna Harbor in 1922 and just let the Greeks and Armenians burn and/or drown, but I also am grateful that long before that point this country let my ancestors come here as refugees.

I'm not really a conservative, I see all sides, I just have a desire for this country to survive, not just physically, but also by people having pride in the US. I know this sounds hazy and juvenile, but frankly, I have written too much on this subject to go into greater depth here. But as for a desire to "engage in a Holy War in the Middle East", the calls for this are put out daily by, well, those in the Middle East. Be they Ahmadinejad with his insane desire to bring about the return of "the Mahdi" or others who want Israel simply destroyed without that added "Armageddon" aspect, it is ludicrous to not see at least that the mostly Arab media is filled daily with stories and quotes from regional leaders and influential men to bring about such a war. I'd rather it didn't happen myself as well, but we should defend ourselves and be ready to defend ourselves if the situation arises. Similarly, I defend a friend because she is a friend, though I know that it will not change anyone who dislikes her so much's mind. I just wouldn't be much of a friend if I didn't, now would I?