YOU'RE Not Real, Man!

Remember how they used to say that President Reagan had a problem telling reality from fantasy?


The conservative jurist stuck up for Agent Bauer, arguing that fictional or not, federal agents require latitude in times of great crisis. "Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles. ... He saved hundreds of thousands of lives," Judge Scalia said.

Yeah. See, though, that didn't happen. That was a television show.

"Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?" Judge Scalia challenged his fellow judges. "Say that criminal law is against him? 'You have the right to a jury trial?' Is any jury going to convict Jack Bauer? I don't think so.

Well, he's got a point there. No jury in this country, or any other country, is ever going to convict Jack Bauer of anything. This was proven in State of Illinois vs. Little Bo Peep, 1957.

Scalia went on to say that, while he is in favor of allowing torture in order that Jack Bauer can continue to fight terrorism, he is against repealing existing anti-vigilante legislation no matter how much it would help Batman. He says he is undecided as to whether to allow Article 2 of the Constitution to be altered so that Pepe LePew could run for President.

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