One man, one vote, one God

All of life's most important questions can be answered by conservative punditry. For instance, one question has troubled mankind since the dawn of civilization: who is capable of creating and maintaining a democratic society? The answer seems obvious (anyone), but the truth is much more complex.

We already know from the never-wrong Dennis Prager that, despite what you may have learned in 6th grade, it was actually Christians who invented democracy. We likewise know from dozens of conservative fearmongers that there is no such thing as a Muslim democracy, no matter what those smarty-pants know-it-alls at the CIA and United Nations might say about Albania, Algeria, Bangladesh, Comoros, Nigeria, Malaysia, Mali, Morocco, Senegal, Yemen and Turkey.

But while it may seem obvious that only white people in the west are capable of sustained democracy, you may be surprised to learn that not ALL white people in the west are capable of sustained democracy. For example, you know who totally sucks at democracy? Atheists.

So says Mary Grabar, a shiny new face at Town Hall who lets us know that without Jesus, the best rule of government people can come up with involve the Three C's: "concentration caps and communism". In her article, subtly entitled "Atheist Democracy: an Oymoron" (take that, France!), she attacks our nation's relativistic, godless value system for driving young people to radical Islam. I can dig it, Mary: no doubt the existence of relativist multicultaralists in the school system is what drives all those kids in Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and Pakistan to the ways of Islamofascism as well. Mary, who is a Ph.D. in English, bitches about Ph.D.s in English who can't keep their big yappers shut about political discussions they know nothing about, which I have to admit is a pretty good point, and concludes by saying "atheists are stupid". True enough! What could morons like Emma Goldman, Margaret Sanger, Isaac Asimov, Primo Levi, Salman Rushdie, Kurt Vonnegut, H.G. Wells, Richard Branson, George Soros, Albert Camus, Denis Diderot, Karl Marx, Friedrich Nietzsche, Bertrand Russell, Jean-Paul Sartre, Peter Singer, Mikhail Gorbachev, Francis Crick, Marie Curie, Richard Dawkins, Richard Feynman, Sigmund Freud, Richard Leakey, Stephen Pinker, Linus Torvalds, and James Watson (not to mention Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Ayn Rand, Christopher Hitchens, Camille Paglia, Andrew Carnegie, Penn Jillette, and Robin Cook) possibly know about democracy and freedom?