Town & Clown

As it so often is, Town Hall today is the gift that keeps on giving. We have Burt Prelutsky reminding us that Al Gore is fat; Mike S. Adams declaring a "redneck jihad" and noting that Muslims are sissies; Phil Harris reliving his glory days in the fourth grade; and Doug Giles suggesting that if Jesus were alive today, he would make fun of John Edwards' hair.

My favorite, though, has to be Mary Grabar. After establishing last week that atheists are stupid, she refines the point further. Attacking writers who attack religion, she says:

A handful of smug "scientists" (Richard Dawkins and Sam Harris, among them) have come along displaying their ignorance in pedestrian prose.

Does Mary give examples of the ignorance of Dawkins or Harris? She does not. Gotta love those scare-quotes around 'scientists', too...

In the public universities today, professors wax on about the wonders of Islam or Native American scalp dances

"Scalp dances"? What the fuck?

Craven tenured professors give in to feminists strutting in high heels and mini skirts or in Dickies pants

For God's sake, people, WOMEN IN PANTS ARE EXPRESSING THEIR OPINIONS IN OUR UNIVERSITIES!

At faculty meetings they nod and express agreement about the need for "diversity," as the great literary works like Paradise Lost are replaced by such vile things as the lyrics of Tupac Shakur (true story).

Man, that "(true story)" kills me. KILLS ME! I mean, leaving aside the question of whether or not it really is a true story, what with there being no citation and all, does she really believe that Paradise Lost has been replaced by "I Just Don't Give a Fuck"? Or perhaps it's that schools are now also teaching about 2Pac, as well as Milton? Could be! There are still a few schools that teach Paradise Lost out there. True story!

But we need to be reminded that Christians started almost all of the major universities in this country. If it weren't for Christians, the atheists would be chanting into the fire and clubbing each other over the head for food and women.

What Mary Grabar seems to be suggesting here:

1. Cavemen were atheists.
2. The non-Christian settlers of early America, which would include the founding fathers, lived like cavemen.
3. The university system was begun by Christians.

I'm pretty sure that none of those things are true, but I'm not a Ph.D.-holder like Mary Grabar.

But contrary to the historical evidence, the atheists claim to have the moral high ground, to be the most civilized, while cashing in royalty checks.

I'm not sure what historical evidence is being discussed here, but why would cashing royalty checks (for what, exactly?) make you yield the moral high ground? Isn't this woman a capitalist?

Anyway, here's the best part!

Do the atheists express doubt? No, they have all kinds of faith in themselves--from the smug authors of atheistic apologetics to the narcissistic authors who see into "nothing," from Sartre to Jonathan Franzen.

Oh, that filthy nihilist Jonathan Franzen! I HATE HIM SO MUCH. But wait, it gets better:

The leftist literary writer has no qualms about promoting his politics through his fiction and poetry, as well as in his commentary. About a quarter of the contributors to the Huffington Post are creative writers--novelists, screen writers, poets, etc. In fact, they get directly involved in politics and use their cachet as writers through "Litpac," a political action committee of writers who made phone calls to voters during the 2006 elections. A luminary is Stephen Elliott, author of autobiographical sadomasochistic fiction and teacher at creative writing workshops. While the non-Christian writer is rewarded for promoting sadomasochism, and blazes forward in the political arena, the Christian writer congratulates himself for expressing doubt.

You know, I helped out with a Litpac event last year, and I'm pretty sure that nobody got rewarded for promoting sadomasochism, but I was manning the door for part of the show, so maybe I missed it, I dunno. Anyway:

Did Dante express doubt? Did Flannery O'Connor?

Well, Flannery O'Connor did. Or, rather, she expressed the terror of false certainty, in one of her finest short stories. But maybe that's not the same.

What works of atheists, Buddhists, Muslims or Wiccans parallel the greatness of the literature that expands on the themes of the Bible?

I'm kinda getting tired of Mary Grabar's pleas of ignorace of any atheist-penned cultural or artistic accomplishments, but honest to lack of God, how does one attain a doctoral degree in English and claim not to know any great literary works by atheists?

The works produced lately — the piles of garbage that pass as "installation art," the literature that glorifies pain and promiscuity — testify to the world atheism is ushering in.

Naturally, Mary is not familiar with installation art (like, oh, say, a church); it is scary and new and different and therefor crappy. And really, what great literature has ever been about pain or human suffering? HA HA HA!

Yes, one of the reasons for my attending this conference was to find a publisher for my novel manuscript, "Dancing with Derrida," that tackles the atheistic world that has brought us abortion, feminism, pornography, political correctness, and objectifying sex.

You know, for most of this essay, I was thinking "I never want to read anything by Mary Grabar again", but BOY OH BOY do I want to read Dancing with Derrida! If only Jacques was still alive to do the audiobook.

But I am told that no "Christian" publisher will touch it. And most mainstream publishers seem to want novels that promote politically correct themes, nihilistic views of dysfunctionalism, chick lit fluff, or timid little tomes that present "doubt."

These sour grapes are delicous!