The CPAC (Conservative Political Action Committee) has their annual convention. CPAC is one of the most powerful, high-profile right-wing lobbying groups in the country, so all the blowhards think of it as their time to shine. This year, everyone is talking about a deliciously daring chain reaction among the GLORY (Gorgeous Ladies Of Right-Wing Yutzery); I have prepared this brief precis of l'affaire du Coulter. The role of Ann Coulter will be played by Bebe Neuwirth with a bad dyejob and six kilos of Brazilian up her snout.
MITT ROMNEY, G.O.P. CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT: Ann Coulter, ladies and gentlemen! She's great!
ANN COULTER: I'm shopping around for a new book deal!
CROWD: (listens to sound of crickets chirping.)
ANN COULTER: Uh...I don't have anything to say about John Edwards, because you can't say the word 'faggot'!
CROWD: (alternates booing and cheering.)
MITT ROMNEY, G.O.P. CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT: Ann Coulter, everybody! She's so 'controversial'! Please vote for me.
MICHELLE MALKIN: I think what Ann said was tasteless and appalling, and did terrible harm to the conservative movement. Can I have her job now?
ANN COULTER: What's the big deal? I'm an entertainer! I'm giving the people what they want!
KATHRYN JEAN LOPEZ: Yeah, seriously. Who didn't know this was going to happen? Also, can I mention at this point that Mitt Romney is dreamy?
JONAH GOLDBERG: Liberals have done things much, much worse. Although I can't think of any of them right now.
PAMELA OSHRY: How do we know that John Edwards isn't a faggot? I think he owes us an explanation.