Stand straight, indeed

As longtime readers of this blog are already aware, we provide the occasional and invaluable service of translating the drunken ramblings of Crazy Pammy Oshry of Atlas Shrugs into the closest approximation of human speech that can possibly be made. This is a service we provide for free, in hopes of creating greater understanding between our beloved homeworld of liberty, democracy and amusing t-shirt messages and Pammy's terrifying planet of shrill nasal accents, insatiable lust for the blood of Arab infants, and watery Gibsons. This is the only blog that provides this service, so please, fondle your waitstaff.

And now, Pammy Luvs Annie, or, Enfaggen Your Drink, Guv'nor?*

Crazy Pammy sits down on a cream-colored pillow, holding an adorable puppy. Blood-chilling fears that she is going to bite its head off are soon dispelled by the even more horrifying reality that she is, instead, going to sing a Smiths song in her unpleasant Long Island accent. Which she proceeds to do.

(Sings)Some girls are bigga than others…some girls are bigga than othas…some girls' mothas are biggah than otha girls' mothas…some girls are bigga than othas…

Yes. That's Morrisey from the Smiths, who I love. How funny am I, singing it? Yes. All because I'm, I'm, I'm the blogger, that's why. Now, it's not that I haven't been blogalicious lately, just that I've been terribly busy, so I apologize, but I had to stop and do a vlog on Coulter. Because the whole thing is ridiculous, and this movement on the right to banish her, this, this organized lynching by, by blogs on the right to banish her from CPAC or from any panel discussion is, is exemplar of, uh, of everything we hold in contempt! First of all, we are not a collective. We don't all subscribe to the same thought. The beauty of who we are is that we're all individuals. That's the first. And the second thing is, is that Coulter? She said "faggot"? Who cares? It's all so ridiculous. I mean, first of all, when we were in, uh, grade school, of my generation who basically reads me, uh, "faggot" was, uh, a total wuss! A loser! A waldo! A geek! A nerd! Okay? I come from, home from school, and I'm, (feigns crying) "Mommy, they called me a fag", she said, "They're just jealous." Well, in her mind, they were just jealous. Of course, I knew better. But that's not the point! The point is, first of all, the guy is not in third grade. He can handle it, okay? Now I know you're gonna s…did you see his reaction? He's a total faggot, okay? "Oh, we should all just get along! Kumbayah, m…" I mean, gimme a break. B…you want this guy as president? She makes a good point. You want…there are people planning and plotting, and they're moving uranium that, one tiny microscopic little sand the size of one speck of sand, according to AJ Strata, who I'll, will be, who'll be on my show next week…it killed (incomprehensible), and they're plotting, a, every day, thousands, tens of thousands of jihadis. And I'm supposed to worry about Ann Coulter saying the word "faggot"? Who cares?

And it's all…why on the right side of the blogosphere, concentrating on the enemy? We are not the enemy. And if CPAC was guilty of anything, CPAC was guilty of, in my opinion, being a little bit of an apologist for Islam. Did you see that debate between Robert Spencer and Dinesh? I mean, the moderator was totally biased. And meanwhile, no one's s…not many people have seen that debate. If Ann Coulter did anything, she put CPAC on the map. Nobody was talking about it. Really. Until Ann Coulter walked into the room – nobody. When Ann Coulter walked into the room – (sings) Everybody stand up! Ah, it's good good good! Like Brigitte Bardot!

So, my point to you is, is that I think the right needs to take a step back, take a breath – I mean, I know they're being righteous, but they're being ridiculous. And I'm not gonna back down on this. Because every word, I mean, the, the, the, the thought police, and the, the, and you just know that the left is just, like, rubbing their hands in total glee. They can do and say whatever they want. Libby was just uh, ah, uh, ah, uh, l…um…found guilty. Uh, what? You lied? Is that what they're saying? I mean, Clinton, and the banging of a girl, and the this, and the cigar, and bleh, and the cover-up, and that was okay. Didn't go to jail. Murder, uh, his fix-it, his hatchet man there, no problem. That's okay. Sandy Burglar? Stuffing the documents? I mean, uh, the 9/11 Commission was, was, was, was trying to figure out what this country, where this country was, and he's stuffing documents in his dirty underwear on a construction site down the block? That's okay. "Oh, I'll take a lie detector, a p…uh, test if you don’t uh, in, uh, uh, indict me." Okay. Can you take a lie detector test? No. But Coulter. This is all over the news. This is nuts! This is nuts! And, I think she is…I love Coulter! She's brilliant and smart and funny and acerbic, and she's got it all going on. And we're eating our young? Sorry. Not goin' there. Totally, violently disagree. Just for knowing.

And…I wanted to tell you that! And, and I'm gonna be talking about it on my show tonight, if you wanna, if you wanna, um, if you wanna call in. Um, it's wrong. It's a huge tactical mistake. Tellin' you, we can't destroy everyone. Foley? What about Foley? "Oh, that was bad, that was, uh, bad." He wasn't doin' it with any, uh, with any kids. He was gay! So? Who cares? I mean, the left, they, uh, they, they can destroy people. The part of the gays can destroy people, but, you know, Barney Frank can be, his lover can be running a gay prostitution ring out of his apartment, that's okay. The right has to stop pandering to its critics. Uh, that's what I'm here to, that's what I'm here to say. The right has to stop pandering, period. Take a stand! Stand straight! Bold, baby, bold! All right, that's it. See ya.

*: This is slightly unfair, as it would appear that Pammy is less drunk than usual. She is, however, still incapable of making any sense.


Chad said...

Pam likes Morrissey? Now I know how liberal Christians who have to share a religion with the likes of Fred Phelps and Jerry Falwell feel.

At least, though, she doesn't care enough to make sure she spells his name correctly.

c. fagui said...

"The part of the gays can destroy people"

Truer words were never so incoherently spoken, Pamela.