Elsewhere at the gas station...

The Man from Fuddles writes a love letter to Big Petroleum, Janet Shaw Crouse defends virginity by comparing sex to an elephant, Mona Charen places the blame for the fall of the Twin Towers on rap music, hotel porn, Britney Spears and Two and a Half Men, and John Hawkins, the bull-necked dingaling who is rapidly becoming the pride of Town Hall, gives the ol' Stabbed-in-the-Back-Mobile another spin around the block.