Yes, it's President's Day, and in celebration of the great men who labored so tirelessly to make this country succeed, I get the day off work. But Mr. President Man never takes the day off; even when the rest of us are eating pizza fingers and drinking Mai Tais, he is scrambling to prove that his administration has made many worse mistakes than invading Iraq.
I thought, since I don't have to work today, this might be a good time to look back at how Mr. President Man is doing. After all, he'll be the one whose birthday we're celebrating one day!
1. MARS WATCH: Still not on Mars. But workin' on it! What else are we gonna do with all that money?
2. SOCIAL SECURITY REFORM: Still not reformed. But totally workin' on it! Look out, America! Anyway, the economy is fine. Who needs Social Security anyway?
3. DEATH TAX REPEAL: Whoops, hit a little snag there. But hopefully it won't be long before this terrible burden is lifted off the backs of our hardest-working Americans.
4. WAR ON TERROR: Hey, this is a pretty big one, right? Still, it's really not going as well as it might. But he's really talking tough about it, so start expecting results any day now!
5. BANNING HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRIDS: Now we're talking! Werewolf attacks are at an all-time low, and we may have no idea where Bin-Laden is, but at leasts arrests are being made. Way to go, Mr. President Man!